Philip Morris Corporation Purchases Exclusive Naming Rights to Emphysema
In a move to reestablish itself as a force in the cigarette industry, tobacco giant Philip Morris today purchased exclusive naming rights to emphysema. They will pay the World Health Organization...
View ArticleDave Lombardo Has Additional Arms Added To Keep Up With Younger Drummers
Dave Lombardo Today Eventually, Father Time catches up with us all. Former Slayer drummer Dave Lombardo was once thought to be the undisputed greatest metal drummer on earth. Scores of adolescents...
View ArticleARod Facing Lifetime Suspension For Injecting Himself With Fluid From GG...
In secret memos obtained by The Tyranny of Tradition, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig has recommended that baseball legend Alex Rodriguez be suspended from the game for life for “acts...
View ArticleThe Hidden Truth Behind Obamacare: Hello Piercings, Goodbye Pancreas
Pancreatic Atrophy Survivor Who Would Have Died If The Kenyan Marxist Obamacare System Was Implemented in 2013 From the beginning, there were a handful of voices sounding the alarm that the Patient...
View ArticleFormerly Dead Singer and Aspartame Advocate GG Allin To Head Food And Drug...
In a bold move to show his willingness to commit to bipartisan solutions in 2015, President Obama has announced he is sacking FDA Commissioner, Margaret “Quarter Pounder” Hamburg, and giving control...
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